I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
