i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
