When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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