Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
