It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
