I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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