She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
