i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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