she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
