then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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