OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
