I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
