YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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