I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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