never play flip cup with pint glasses
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
