Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
