I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
