I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want her autograph on my taint
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
