No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
