the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
