Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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