whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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