So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
