I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
