I'm really into asian looking animals
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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