im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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