no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
