I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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