Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
