bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
