I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
