Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
