Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
