So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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