That's intense
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
