either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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