That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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