every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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