Don't make out with my wife yet
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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