I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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