my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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