i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
