Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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