dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
