There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
