dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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