Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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