Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
