still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
