It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
