bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
