2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
