Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your tits are I can't wait for
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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