Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
