Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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