ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Randomize
