I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
