Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
its liver damage thursday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
