go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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