do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
