I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
