we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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