i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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