my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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