She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Damn victory sex feels great
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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