i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Every concussion has its silver lining
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
