Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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