and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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