he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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