im about as happy as oj after his trial
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
