Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
MIDGETS
????
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
