I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
