i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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