Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Michael Bay diarrhea
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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