She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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