Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
