i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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